i'm really upset right now. i can't write it here. but i wrote it on my blogspot anyway.. damn it!.. wwoohh.. sorry for my words.. maybe tomorrow's gonna be different. it's just what i feel right now..
Sunday, December 16, 2007
xmas check list(more like an ex-list.argh)
-stuff that are 'xmasy'.. hehe.. do i experience/have them? hehe.hhmm..-
9 mornings - gonna be a check =]
snow - ex
snowman - duh. ex
mistletoe - ex
poinsettia - ex
xmas tree - ex
presents under the tree - of course. ex
xmas lights - ex
(conclusion: we don't have xmas decors.haha)
money for xmas shopping - double the ex!grrr!
ham - yeah. at last, a check
cheese - i wish mickey'll be pleased to give for the benefit of the poor
my star! - haha. of course, a check.my xmas wouldn't be complete w/o it
yuletide carols - check.yup.i could hear em sing..sorry i haven't save coins for them.tsk. talking bout crisis.
xmas parties - check. phew..
friends - a big CHECK.. hehe
forgiveness - super check.. hehe
love - check?.. hehehe
cards - hmm.. i'l think about that. hehe
apat sa taglamig.haha - yup, i have tickets. check. hehe
last year's wish - i think it's gonna be an ex. woohhh.
what else? hhmm..
home - ex.
papa bear - check
ort2 - check
ort - ex. haha!!
moy - check!
summary: out of 26 i got 9.. *sigh*.. yeah.. but it doesn't mean xmas'd be canceled. i still have the most important xmas thing one could get after all. my family. my family=my dad.=].. luvya dad. hehe..next year's gonna be different. we'll be with our whooole clan. haha. but as for now, let's make the best of it together. yeah.. hehe. another thing is, Jesus.. He'll be with us.. with all of us.. Christmas must go on after all. haha!=]
Sunday, December 9, 2007
before getting here(cafe), i went through alunan ave.. boy i was like "Vegas?!!" ..hahaha. well okay,,okay..over reaction.. haha.. but really, it's very.. uhm.. lighted<haha! that's my own term).. busy people walking, some are working.. lights going on and off(translated as blinking.haha).. different loud songs.. very crowded unlike ordinary days.. it's really nice to look at(well,as for me)... when the music came clear to my ears, woah.. it's a Christmas song. i'm not in the city of lights at all(lil exaggeration.haha) it's xmas!yeah. here in the lil city of koronadal. particularly in marbel. hehehe.. for the first time this year, i felt the essence of Christmas. weeh.. hehe.. but i realized, it's gonna be me and Jesus on xmas eve.. no family reunion,. no ham.no roasted pig. no salad. no nothing. the saddest part is, no complete family to celebrate with.. they say it's the spirit of xmas - sharing love especially with the family.. that's what makes my xmas incomplete.. but it's fine.. i'll spend it with the birthday boy anyway.. hehe.. [=
i smile every time i here the line in a t.v station.."walang mag-iisa ngayong pako".. hahaha. yeah right. easy for you to say.. it's nice to hear it. like it's really gonna be true..
anywayz.. i'll just make the best out of it. i'll attend the 9 mornings. with me.. haha!.. i'll celebrate. yeah.. i'll even take walks around to look at the huge lanterns and belens displayed at the city.. not that it's gonna be my last xmas here.. hehe.. i'm thinking on staying. til college. hehe.. yes.. i've weighed things.. uhm. when you leave your stuff toy in closet,. if you want to hug it again,where'd you go? back to your closet, right? and it's already gone, you'd think someone took it away or u've lost it, right again?.. hehehe.. it's nothing.. just a thought i had in mind.. hehe.. no need to ponder on it..
hope we'll all have a very merry Christmas guys.. God bless..=]
Thursday, November 22, 2007
i'm paying the toll of being super late!! and when i say late, it's coming 12 when the agreed time is 10am. it's the product of sleeping 3am and waking up 11.my fault?-hell yeah! hehe.. so i've got no one to blame. .when i've arrived to our meeting place, they're already gone!(oh brother). and i'm that dumb to realize that i have a cellphone to text them. haha. too late(late.late.late again). so i texted one of them. and yes, they've gone home. great. just great. any suggestions? i can't go home, i've locked our house and i got no freakin keys with me.! yes we'll all meet later again for some school activity but it's not until after 4 hours! oh boy is that long. got no extra money here so i find it more practical if i spend for surfing than go to the mall and what, see the same old stuff and take a walk around for a hundred times(we have a small mall here ya know) or watch a movie(i don't like the now-showing movies here)..now i'm here at a cafe. killing time. oh, it's 1:55.. 2 hours and 5 minutes to go! haha! good luck.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
after a stressful week.. phew-hew!.. hehe.. research's through!-regardless of the results. waha!. well anyway.. never to mind that.. atleast we're free from it. failure or not..<not a good reason ain't it? haha! i never really wanted doing research yu knw.. as if i have a choice... so that's it.. hehe.. i had enough of it already..
along with it, goodbye to the sleepovers at mic's.. bye to the reasonable alibi to go home very late.. bye to picture takings.. bye to forcing mhoks to come and get some stinking water sample down tha creek..haha! and the sad part is, i'll miss leaving mic in the room alone at night, dark and to top it all, doors closed, with him still asleep..hahaha! that was a good scare.. hahaha.. sorry mhoks!. haha!.. and the best is, goodbye brainstorming! yeah..
of course, all those goodbyes' not gonna last.. haha.. we'rs still in 3rd grading.. that's just for one subject.. haha!
.. we ended the week great. haha! having our teacher treat us at the kiosk(cool huh?).. haha. he said it'd serve as a celebration for all of us. hehe..it's between the two of them(teachers) and the two of us(students).. hehe.. it's not everyday that i experience this kind of stuff, ya know. hehe.. we ate exotic food(as to my view of it.haha).. maya, frog, and pig's ear.. woah.. i didn't like the appearances alryt.. haha.. but bliv me, it tastes great!.. wehe..4 rounds.. til i saw stars around me. hahaha!.. thanks! it was an unforgettable week-ender.. hehe..
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
here i am again.. infront of this computer.. for the same reason.. our project.. damn it.. not that our project's a boom but we still have worked hard for it(yeah).. sleepless nyts(literally).. i slept 2 am and woke up 6.. aargh!but i don't despise this project that much(nor the adviser.haha!) i'm actually just blaming this printer. it's printing hell! how many pieces of paper were waisted! not to mention my time. it's been an hour since i started printing.. 47 pages.. and guess what... m still on the 29th page!(am i starting to be a 29-fanatic?!)
oh boy am i sleepy.. need to sacrifice to avoid the mouth of many droplets..
haven't even eaten my dinner yet.. ulcer's waiting for me..
if this printer won't work, m gonna eat that dog barking outside!..haha.. kidding..
oh gosh.. God help me.... help!!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
well ok, a bit exaggeration on the title.. it's actually more like personal fiasco's day. my fiasco's day.. haha... i woke up this morning smiling(naks.hehe).. i've forgotten bout the card day. haha... then it came. kaboom!(haha.oa).. i was actually waiting for marvee's name.. yeah. we've heard it. haha. quite shocking(m talking about the ranking).. the other shocking thing was I'm ranked 29th! haha. guess how many we were in our class..... 29. haha! coincidence? hahaha.. well anyway. it took me minutes to absorb it. haha. m d dumbest!..sensor all the after events.. haha..
well anywayz.. after the censored scenes,haha, i invited Mic to watch stardust(ya know, to ease myself.haha).. what could be worse? the lady on the ticket booth said it's too early for complementary passes. haha. we have to wait for other viewers.. damn it..we waisted 2 hrs for nothing.. it's when we realized we got a deadline to meet!and it's tomorrow. our investigatory project..haha. nice trip..
we head back to tagatala(school).. i was left. 'til i fall asleep(so much for the project).. when i woke up, i went for a walk. some of my classmates saw me and they were like "van, what happened?!" "nagbinuang ka noh?".. blah..blah.. they were talking bout the ranking alryt.. hell.. i went home with the rest of the gang(pee-ar).. and i received a very inspiring word from b1.. hehe.."save the best for LAST".. cool huh?.. hahaha.. i felt better.. thanks bez.. haha..
at the end of the day, it was still all my fault.. i've been a fiasco.. blame it all to myself.. I've been expecting my rank but it still was a pain in the ass. haha!..
am i depressed? the hell i am. hahAha!!
p.s. oh, and the third problem of the day?? up to this very hour, we haven't finished our project yet.. hahaha! tata..
Sunday, October 7, 2007
before, i was a lil girl who finds it hard to keep in touch with the world which seems to be foreign to her. i had my own planet. receiving the 'Loner' award, i even had my imaginary friends.. silly isn't it? failing to find 'perfect' friends who could accept me as i am and will listen to every story i share,, what other solution is there than making them up myself?..hehe..
it was nearly perfection for me.. i was finally accepted by what we call 'friends'.. i became happy with them.. i was greatful to the fact that i actually did belong.. i made time for them.. i've almost been dependent to them that i built a part of my world around them.. of course, family comes first but i felt happier when they're around.. everything seemed in place.. some times i even thought i wouldn't be able to live without them anymore..
then one morning i woke up feeling something has changed
that does it.. too late for regrets.. sorry..
i'm happy now..yes.. but it still comes into my mind sometimes.. just wanted to write it..
whoever reads this,,don't name the unnamed.. hehe.. it's not what you think it is.. keep the singular form unknown..
last night i had a dream.. it was almost reality.. and guess what.. it was about him!.. he's back and we did things we used to do before.. like the old days.. can't explain how happy i was in that dream(not good with words..).. how i wished never to wake up from that fantasy.. how i wished it was real..=(
but of course not everything will turn out as i wanted it to be.. i woke up this morning feeling so incomplete.. i miss him so much.. i want to see his smile again.. his round brown eyes.. i want to see my bestfriend again.. -or do i?? do i really want to see him? am i ready? ready for the changes that'll slap my face? how could i take it to see the one whom i always turned to,. the one whom i started and ended my day with,. who listens to all my longest even nonsense stories,. whom i share all my secrets with without a doubt,. the boy who knew me more than my mom does,,,suddenly turned out to be a young man looking at me for the reason i have this
i know it's how life goes.. i accept the fact that things change as time passes.. it's just that i don't know how to face this case.. maybe time'll come.. but not now.. not him..
maybe for now it'd rather remain this way..i -missing him.. him -being my inspiration.. maybe one-sided love but it'll be better this way.. it'd be more excruciating for my part seeing him-different-.. just different..=[
i miss you big time..gagagoogoogaga.. =')
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
wel..halo-haLo na tlaga..abstract..just have 2 unload..bhala na di maintindihan..
u can't say u'v lost a friend. If a frndshp is capable of ending, it is bcoz it nvr existd.. i hope sumday,u wud rmmbr me as d person hu alwys smiled even when my heart was broken & d one hu wud always try to bryten up ur day even if i cudn't bryten up my own.. i see you beside me..its only a dream..vixns of wat used 2 be.. i always think their lucky cos they have 1..back then i always asked myself y everything happened..y am i be left behind..didn't even had d chance 2 ask her y she did dt..thot i was over w/ these feelings..thot i dn't care..but everytime i see a happy _______,a question always cums in my mind..y cn't i have 1?. knw d feeling were it all goes super weird..?..feeling dt every1 treats u as an option..wen u thot things wud be gud then suddenly ur ther,sitting bsyd ur bed..alone..w/ ur frnd stuff toy to hug.. how sad is missing people when don't even know if they still remember u..?..ouch.. stuck w/ yesterday..y can't i wake up and face tomorrow..w/ sunshyn..(haha..silly me..)..
its hard to fix broken glass..what ever you do,it won't be the same again..u'l only get wounds and disapointment..pain..
memories..i always stupidly hold on 'em..y?..iknw they'r the only things that remain constant.. im bad..but y is it hard 4 me 2 take d risk hurting any1 just 2 show my true feelings..is it bcos i luv being fake???this is d real me,i dnt show my feelings often..but is that being fake??haha weird..
it’s hard to answer d question, ‘what’s wrng?’ when nothings seems 2 be ryt..
evrything changes eventually,dt’s just the way lyf is,& u hav no control over it…like, sudnly people hu you think r alwys going 2 b there…they disappear…u know,people die & muv away…& they grow up. –a lyn frm Dawson’s Creek
sumtyms it hurts more to smile in front of evryone than to cry all alone..
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
i'm hurting when i see you happy with other people. I feel that you don't need me anymore. I feel that they can make you happy more than i could. Though it hurts, it's good to know that you're happy with them. I'm leaving..soon. it assures me, that you could still be happy..even without me.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Feb. 6,2007.Tuesday.isang gabing di ko malilimutan. hindi naging mabuti ang gabing 'to samin. talaga.. ntrauma na nga ata ako dahil sa nangyari..hehe..
around 11pm nasa kalye pa kami. gusto kong samahan ang kaibigan ko. may mga "bagay-bagay" sana kaming pag-uusapan(diba marb?hehe). nung nasa climax na sana chikahan namin,nangyari ang hindi inaasahan. we found ourselves na nakikipag-agawan with a snatcher.haha!. i was so shocked that i can't say a word.i was so scared. i didn't know what to do. it hapened so fast.the funny thing is,yung kasama ko, sinisigaw niya,:"kuya wag! kuya! ku-ya!"(psnxa marb,ladlaran na 'to.hehe)..kaya yun, akala nung mga lalaki na andun pala sa kanto, naglalaro lang kami kaya hindi sila pumalag..hahaha!..tawa ako ng tawa pagkatapos ng nangyari..
pero nung andun na kami sa room ni pots(nakitulog na lang kami), bigla akong napaiyak. nakakahiya. hindi ako naiyak dahil naagawan ako ng bagay na may centi na sakin. napaiyak ako kasi naisip ko lang:pano kung sinaktan kami nun? pano kung may deadly weapon siyang dala? mabuti na lang cp lang napagtripan niya. buti na lang.. pano kung may masamang nangyari samin? kay Marb?? baka nga nag-iinO.A lang ako pero naisip ko lang talaga yun.. tapos nalaman pa namin na hindi pala siya nag-iisa. may mga kasama pa pala siyang nakamotor. mabuti na lang talaga walang nangyari saming dalawa. hinding-hindi ko talaga mapapatawad sarili ko kung may nangyaring masama kay Marvee. xet. mabuti sana kung ako na lang. lagi ko kasing iniisip,"kung oras mo, oras mo na". pero sa pagkakataong 'to, hindi ko na 'yun naisip. takot na takot talaga ako lalo na dahil may kasama ako. kaya 'yon,napaiyak ako sa harap nila. tsk..
grabe ang experience na 'yon para samin. pero dahil dun, narealize kong andami na palang nangyari samin na magkasama. sa masaya, malungkot, at suspence pa!(haha! para bagang through THICK & THIN..nyahaha!) kahit hindi ganun katagal, marami na kaming pinagsamahan(diba marb?hehe) Thanks meg ha?hehe..you're always there..at alam kong alam mo na andito rin ako lagi,suport system(nyaha,char).hehe. sorry sa pagiging B.I ko sa'yo ha.pasensya..
may isa pa akong narealize.. di kasi ako masyadong naniniwala sa katagang "i'll always be here for you" dati. ayoko kasing umasa sa wala. pero dahil sa nangyari, napatunayan ko na minsan totoo rin pala 'to.. wala na kaming matuluyan ni marb non dahil umaga na. alas dose na ata. hindi na 'ko pwedeng humarap kay papa. si hannah na lang pag-asa namin. isang text lang namin,payag na agad siyang doon muna kami matulog sa kanila. madaling araw na kaya hiyang-hiya na pa naman sana akong makitulog sa kanila. Salamat pots ha?:)..napatunayan mong andiyan ka lagi. pasensya dahil naistorbo ka pa namin at napuyat. salamat talaga..
walang taong nakakatagal sa ugali ko. iniiwan ako lagi. kaya habang magkakasama pa tayo, gusto kong sabihain na:salamat sa inyo marvee at hannah..pati na rin kela mic at maan.. salamat dahil andiyan pa rion kayo. salamat sa masayang samahan. mahal ko kayo. napakahalaga niyo sa'kin. (kita n'yo naman,tinagalog ko na 'tong blog ko kaya anghaba..hehe)'Lakas' man o 'power rangers'(haha) salamat sa inyo.....baw...
Monday, February 5, 2007
i used to entertain you all
i used to be the clown
but then i got sad
& you didn't want me around.
i used to take your words
i used to be a doormat
then I stuck up for myself
but you just couldn't tolerate that.
i used to do everything for you
i never, ever said "no"
but when I finally learned the word
you turned around to go.
i used to listen to your problems
i used to deeply care
but when i came to you troubled
you were never there.
i used to act really crazy
i used to be loads of fun
but I'm more reserved now
& away from me you run.
i used to hold in my emotions -
never let you see me cry
but cryin's all i do now
& i can't help but wonder why...;p