Sunday, October 7, 2007
before, i was a lil girl who finds it hard to keep in touch with the world which seems to be foreign to her. i had my own planet. receiving the 'Loner' award, i even had my imaginary friends.. silly isn't it? failing to find 'perfect' friends who could accept me as i am and will listen to every story i share,, what other solution is there than making them up myself?..hehe..
it was nearly perfection for me.. i was finally accepted by what we call 'friends'.. i became happy with them.. i was greatful to the fact that i actually did belong.. i made time for them.. i've almost been dependent to them that i built a part of my world around them.. of course, family comes first but i felt happier when they're around.. everything seemed in place.. some times i even thought i wouldn't be able to live without them anymore..
then one morning i woke up feeling something has changed
that does it.. too late for regrets.. sorry..
i'm happy now..yes.. but it still comes into my mind sometimes.. just wanted to write it..
whoever reads this,,don't name the unnamed.. hehe.. it's not what you think it is.. keep the singular form unknown..
last night i had a dream.. it was almost reality.. and guess what.. it was about him!.. he's back and we did things we used to do before.. like the old days.. can't explain how happy i was in that dream(not good with words..).. how i wished never to wake up from that fantasy.. how i wished it was real..=(
but of course not everything will turn out as i wanted it to be.. i woke up this morning feeling so incomplete.. i miss him so much.. i want to see his smile again.. his round brown eyes.. i want to see my bestfriend again.. -or do i?? do i really want to see him? am i ready? ready for the changes that'll slap my face? how could i take it to see the one whom i always turned to,. the one whom i started and ended my day with,. who listens to all my longest even nonsense stories,. whom i share all my secrets with without a doubt,. the boy who knew me more than my mom does,,,suddenly turned out to be a young man looking at me for the reason i have this
i know it's how life goes.. i accept the fact that things change as time passes.. it's just that i don't know how to face this case.. maybe time'll come.. but not now.. not him..
maybe for now it'd rather remain this way..i -missing him.. him -being my inspiration.. maybe one-sided love but it'll be better this way.. it'd be more excruciating for my part seeing him-different-.. just different..=[
i miss you big time..gagagoogoogaga.. =')